


such as it ends

by kirani



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bromance to Romance, Derek "Nursey" Nurse is Unchill, Divorce, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, M/M, Nursey POV, Oh My God They We’re Roommates, Team as Family, canon-typical alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2020-07-25 21:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirani/pseuds/kirani
Summary: Dex never called him. But Dex was calling him. And Derek answered.“I need a divorce lawyer.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'm apologizing up front for this one, folks. as many of you know, i often process emotions by projecting onto ficitional characters. usually dex. so, as i process my own marriage ending, i am gonna be putting dex through some shit. this is a happy ending, i swear. but updates won't be regular and we're all gonna hurt along the way. will update tags as i go. no beta, i'm not subjecting anyone to this mess.

His phone was ringing. Why was his phone ringing? 

“Hello?”

“Nurse?” Dex replied. His voice sounded broken. 

“Sup, Poindexter?”

“Do you know, can you—? Dammit!”

“Hey, it’s chill, take your time.”

“I need a divorce lawyer.”

Derek balked. A divorce lawyer?

“A divorce lawyer? Are you okay?”

“I mean, not really? But I’m safe.”

Derek sighed. “Okay. Good, that’s good.”

“Just, do you know any? I can call... I dunno, someone else.”

“No, I got your back. Lemme find a good one and I’ll send it over. Mutual? Or—?”

“Decidedly not mutual. But he’s not really resisting.”

“Okay. I’ll poke around and find you one. It’s gonna be okay, Will.”

“Thanks.”

They hung up shortly after that, and Derek sat heavily in a chair. 

Dex was getting divorced. 

He hadn’t wanted to pry, didn’t want to push him into disclosing anything if he didn’t want to. But he had thought he and Ryan were solid. What had happened?

The two of them had been together for, what was it, six years now? And married for three of those. They were talking _kids_ for crying out loud.

‘Well, I guess not anymore,’ Derek thought. 

He picked his phone back up and called his mom. 

_X_ 

Dex’s divorce proceeded without any bumps as he had predicted. Ryan really wasn’t going to fight it at all. He didn’t seem _happy _about it, per se, but he also wasn’t fighting it. 

Dex had come over that evening, needing a break from the reality of divorce negotiations, and was now sitting on Derek’s couch with a beer. 

“Mario Kart?” Derek offered. 

Dex huffed a laugh. “Don’t think I’ve played Mario Kart since college.”

“Really?” 

He knew Dex didn’t really talk to most of SMH outside of the ever quieter group chat, but he thought he’d at least play with his new work friends or with Ryan. 

Dex just shrugged. 

Derek obliterated Dex the first game, but then Dex’s old competitive streak came back and the rounds got more competitive. By the end of the night, a few beers in each of them and more pizza than Derek cared to admit, they were pretty even. And, more importantly, Dex had relaxed. 

Dex waved off another round and slumped back on the couch. Derek took a deep breath. 

“So, uh, feel free to tell me to fuck off, but,” he swallowed. “What the hell happened?”

Dex sighed and drained his beer. 

“It’s hard to pin it on one thing,” he said after a long moment. “We’ve been arguing a lot more. And I’ve felt like I’ve been stranded for a while. Told him a few months before all… this,” he waved his hand in the air, “that I needed more from him. What I needed. Why I needed it. All things I feel like he should have known. But I had to say it.”

“That’s a tough spot,” Derek agreed. 

“And then none of it happened. Not a single thing. So I brought it up again. Said I felt alone and unsupported and that I’d asked for things that hadn’t happened and I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“What’d he say?”

“Said he could do better, he would fix things. I told him I needed a couple of days to think about it. Went and stayed with Vicky for a week.”

“I’m glad you had somewhere to go,” Derek said.

“Almost called you,” he said after a beat. “But I hadn’t even told you we were having problems. Vicky knew at least.”

“It’s chill.”

Dex rolled his eyes as if by instinct, then looked at Derek at last. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Bro, you don’t owe me anything. I’m just glad you trusted me with it now. I got your back.”

“I know. ‘Ppreciate it.”

Derek smiled and pulled Dex in for a side hug. When they pulled apart, Dex continued. 

“So I took my few days, pulled my thoughts together, and we met up again. I told him it felt like he wasn’t really in the relationship anymore. He argued a little, though he did agree that he hadn’t been as committed as he should have been. Asked for another chance. But I just couldn’t. I felt like I’d been giving him ‘one more chance’ for the last year. I told him no. Moved out that weekend.”

It was the most he’d heard Dex talk in a long while. Even when they were good friends in college, Dex had never been a big talker. To hear this much from him at once was jarring. But it also spoke to the severity of the situation. 

“Where are you staying now?”

“Vicky’s spare room. Storage unit. We have to divide furniture and stuff before I can get my own place.”

“You’re gonna be okay to do that, though?”

“Yeah, Nurse. I’m gonna be okay. I think it’ll be nice to live on my own, actually. Have some space from, y’know, everything.”

“Yeah,” Derek agreed. He watched Dex’s profile as the other man stared at the blank TV screen. “You want another hug, bro?”

“Yeah,” Dex said wetly. He turned and fell into Derek’s arms. He tightened his arms around his friend and whispered to him as he cried. 

“You’re alright, I’ve got you. You’re amazing and I love you. Chowder loves you. Farmer loves you. Vicky loves you. We’ve got you. We’re not gonna let you fall.”

Eventually, Dex’s tears dried up and he lifted his face from Derek’s shirt. There was a wet patch there but Derek didn’t care. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Derek said firmly. 

“Okay.”

Derek released Dex’s arms as the other man stood.

“I’m just gonna clean up,” Dex said.

“Bathroom’s right through there,” he gestured. Dex nodded and disappeared into the doorway. 

Derek slid down the couch, trying to process all the information he’d just received. All the emotions Dex had just allowed him to see. He’d had no idea things had gotten that bad. Not that Dex owed him anything. But he wished he’d been able to be there. 

Sure, they weren’t as close as they used to be, but they still talked regularly, got dinner about once a month, they kept in touch. Had he not been doing enough? Had he not been trustworthy enough?

“Nurse, I can see you overthinking. _Chill_, man.”

Derek laughed. “Sorry, bro. You know how I get.”

“I know. I appreciate that you worry.”

Derek smiled at him. 

“Come on, bro. You should crash here. It’s late.”

“Yeah, alright.” 

After Dex was settled in the guest room with a borrowed toothbrush and t-shirt, Derek collapsed into his own bed. If he was this tired, he couldn’t imagine how tired Dex was. He set an early alarm, determined to wake up and make them breakfast. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek hadn’t realized how much he missed hanging out with Dex like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet y’all thought I forgot about this fic but I didn’t! Have some more thinly veiled processing of my own emotions through the projection onto Will Poindexter!

A few months had passed since Will and Ryan separated and Dex had been crashing in Derek’s guest room at least once a week. They had quickly fallen back to their old habits of ear pulling, poking, teasing, and laughing together when they hung out. 

Derek hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it. Just hanging out together, being in each other’s spaces… d-man stuff. Or whatever. 

Dex was on the couch with him now, talking about Vicky. 

“She’s been such a lifesaver, with the place to stay and helping me organize with Karlson — thanks again for that referral — but I feel like I’m imposing, you know?”

Derek hummed. “Come stay with me.”

Dex looked at him sharply. “What?”

“Come stay with me. I’ve got plenty of room, you can still go over there a couple times a week if you need to work on divorce stuff or just wanna see Vicky, or she can come over here. ‘S chill.”

Dex narrowed his eyes. “You know we don’t room well together.”

“No, we don’t _ share a room _well, but we cohabitate well as long as we have different rooms.” Dex looked like he was going to interrupt but Derek kept going. “Think about it, Will. After you moved to the basement at the Haus, both of us started hanging out in the shared spaces more. We cooked, we played video games, we did homework; we just needed our own places to retreat to.” 

“I don’t want to just… impose on someone else in my life. That’s not the goal. The goal is to move to my own place. No roommates.”

“Yes, and you will. But you can’t until you get this divorce finalized. So until then, crash with me. Karlson said another few months, right? That’s easy.”

“I dunno.” 

“Just… think about it. All I ask.”

Dex nodded and Derek turned on the tv. 

_X_ 

Moving Dex’s things into his spare room was weirdly easy. 

“You must have a ton of stuff in storage, Poindexter, you travel light.”

Dex shrugged but his face lit up bright pink. Fuck, what had he said?

“I—,” Dex stammered before snapping his mouth shut. 

“Sorry, that was over the line.”

“No, it’s okay. I just… got rid of a lot of stuff. Of mine.”

“That makes sense, like, stuff that reminded you of him?”

Dex shook his head. “No, like, over our relationship. It was one of the big _ things _ we fought about.” 

“He made you throw out stuff?” Derek was not following. That didn’t sound like Ryan and it definitely didn’t sound like something Dex would put up with. 

“No it was more like, we were building this life together and it wasn’t until stuff started getting rough that I realized he was building it. I didn’t even like most of ‘our’ stuff. It was his stuff. And slowly the whole place felt like ‘his’ and I was just living there.” 

“Oh. That sucks, man.”

“Yeah, so, I’m kinda starting from scratch.”

“Do you wanna go get some ‘you’ stuff?”

“What?”

“Like, a comforter for the guest bed that’s yours. And some art we can hang up. Stuff like that,” Derek said. 

“It’s just more stuff to move. And I don’t wanna impose on you.”

“Dude, that room is so boring, I beg you to put up something more your style in it. Please?” He shot Dex a grin and he rolled his eyes with a smile. 

“Fine, we can go shopping for a few things.” 

“Swawesome.”

Four hours later and Derek was pretty sure every couple ever should have to go to an IKEA together before they decided to get married. Fuck that place was stressful. Amazing and full of everything they needed, but stressful. 

Not that he and Dex were a couple. Fuck. They weren’t. They were friends. He was helping him out with a rough time in his life. He refused to get sappy over Dex like he had at Samwell. Dex had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t like Derek that way. 

But wow was IKEA a test on a relationship, platonic or romantic. 

Was a large portion of the stress because Derek insisted on paying? Yes. But it was his place and if he intended to give it all to Dex as a gift when he moved out then that was his prerogative. Details. Not important. 

(He’d been allowed to buy half of it in the end, which gave him stupid butterflies in his stomach.)

When they arrived home —well, back at Derek’s apartment — they stuck a few nails in the walls for the art Dex had picked out, stripped the bed and replaced it with the new sheets and comforter, rolled out the throw rug, and threw out the desk chair for the new one Dex liked. It looked homey. It looked like Dex lived there. 

“Feel better?”

Dex hummed. “Yeah. Feels like home.”

“Just needs one more thing.”

Dex looked at him. “Wha—?”

He was cut off by Derek tackling him into the bed and wrapping himself around him in a tight spoon. 

“Dude,” Dex laughed. “What are you doing?”

“Shhh let the cuddles happen. We gotta imbibe this room with positive energy through bro cuddles.”

Dex groaned but didn’t pull away. They chirped and chatted for a while until Derek’s stomach gave him away and they had to get up for dinner. But Dex looked lighter than he had in weeks, in his own space at last, and Derek was grateful. 

He just wanted Dex to be happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ps I wrote a partial outline so hopefully updates will be more regular?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chowder comes to town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think I thanked AK yet for letting me borrow Vicky and since she actually shows up in this chapter, figured I should! Thank you for writing such an awesome sister for Dex and for letting me borrow her!  
Also, um, consistent chapter length? I don’t know her.

Chowder arrived in a flurry of teal two weeks after Dex moved in. Derek was yawning and then suddenly Chowder had tackled Dex. 

“Dex!” Was the only warning in the passenger pick up before Dex had an armful of NHL goalie and was staggering back with the force of the hug. Chowder was undeterred and already talking a mile a minute. 

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t get here before now! The season is so busy! I—,” he paused, gasping for breath and Dex cut him off. 

“It’s okay. I can’t expect the Sharks starting goalie to just drop everything when I call,” Dex said, still hugging Chowder. 

“I wanted to,” Chowder said, softer this time. 

“I know Chowder. Thanks for coming. You didn’t have to waste your bye week on me.” 

“I absolutely did, Will!” Chowder pulled back at last to look Dex in the eye. “You’re my best friend and I love you and you need me. Whether you admit it or not.”

“Thanks C. And I think Nursey’s been doing alright.” 

Derek smiled as the pair of them turned and Chowder grinned like he hadn’t realized he’d be here and tackled him into a hug as well. “I missed you guys so much!”

“Missed you too, C,” Derek said softly into the Sharks hoodie Chowder still wore. He hoped it was a new one from their college days. That one had gotten rank. 

When they finally released each other, Chowder’s eyes were shiny but he grinned wide and looped an arm around the other two frogs and began leading the way away from the terminal. Nursey smiled as he saw Dex grab the discarded bag Chowder had brought. 

“Hey C, you know you don’t have to wear the team’s merch _ all the time _? They already signed you, man,” Dex chirped. 

Chowder rolled his eyes and Dex smirked, pleased. 

Nursey grinned wider. Anything that made Dex smile these days was a good thing. Derek thought he was doing alright but he was glad for Chowder’s company, too. 

“So where to, first?” He asked, unlocking his car as they approached it in short term parking. 

“Annie’s?” Chowder asked hopefully. 

“They have coffee in Boston, Chowder.” Dex pointed out. “You really wanna drive all the way out to Samwell for a cup of coffee?”

“A cup of _ Annie’s _ coffee! Listen, it might seem far but I already flew all the way across the country, what’s an hour in the car for the best coffee on the Eastern Seaboard?”

Dex rolled his eyes and Nursey knew Chowder had won. “Fine.”

“Chill,” Nursey said, turning on the car. At least Samwell was on the same side of Boston as the airport. He didn’t feel like driving through downtown tonight unless he had to. Living with Dex was great, it was just like being back at the Haus, but that meant he was also kinda exhausted from staying up late and talking with Dex. 

It was everything to him, being this close to Dex again. He hoped they didn’t drift apart again this time when they no longer lived together. He had been firmly telling his brain to chill when it started down that path. They were friends now and that was the important part. 

Dex laid a hand on Derek’s forearm. He turned to see a worried face. He must have zoned out for a minute. 

“You good?” Dex asked quietly, but Chowder still heard him and poked his head between the seats to check on him too. 

“I can drive if you want!” Chowder offered. 

“Nah, I’m good, C. Just got distracted thinking about the best route.” 

Dex narrowed his eyes for a moment, trying to read the truth in his face. He nodded though so Derek figured he had passed. He shot Dex a small smile and put the car in gear. 

All throughout the drive, Chowder rambled and Dex answered the occasional questions thrown in. They were letting Derek focus on driving, it seemed. He was grateful for it. He hadn’t realized how much social energy he’d been expending between work and taking care of Dex. 

Not that he regretted it! Dex was his best friend and he was glad to be trusted to take care of him when he needed it. He’d been a sounding board, a comforter when he cried and a validator when he ranted. He tried to make sure Dex always had what he needed, but in the process he had kind of burned himself out. 

By the time they parked at Annie’s, Dex was back to shooting him worried looks and when he pulled the keys from the ignition, Dex took them from his hand. 

Derek didn’t protest. 

Chowder insisted on paying for their meals and coffee since he had drug them all the way out to Samwell. 

“Yeah, yeah, Mr NHL,” Dex chirped, but then smiled softly. “Thanks C.”

“Yeah, thanks, C.” They sat down, Derek sliding into the booth first and making grabby hands for Chowder, who slid in after him and let Derek use him as a pillow. “I love you, man.”

Chowder laughed and resumed his conversation with Dex, leaving Derek to drift. 

He perked up when the waiter slid a steaming pile of pancakes and a cappuccino in front of him, joining the conversation after his catnap on Chowder’s shoulder. 

Dex chirped him for the copious amount of syrup he poured on his pancakes and Nursey chirped him for ordering the most boring thing on the menu, an egg white omelet, and Chowder chirped both of them for bickering as bad as they had at school. It was nice. 

“I’m kinda jealous you guys are living together without me,” Chowder admitted around a mouthful of waffle. 

“Aw, do we need to leave you a spare toothbrush in our bathroom, C?” Derek teased. 

Chowder flushed but bumped his shoulder against Derek’s affectionately. “You know what I mean.”

“I know. And it’s just for a bit while Dex gets back on his feet.” 

Dex blushed. What had he said now? 

“Or whatever,” Dex mumbled.

Chowder looked between them a couple of times but seemed to decide just to change the subject instead. 

After Annie’s, Dex drove them to their apartment — Derek’s apartment — and Chowder chattered excitedly about seeing Haus 12.0. 

“Are we really on 12?” Derek laughed. He felt much better after food and now that he wasn’t driving. 

“That’s what Shitty dubbed it. Didn’t you check the group chat?”

Derek had not, in fact, checked the group chat. He pulled it open and scrolled to Dex’s announcement that he had moved in with Nursey. The arguing had gone on for a while but they had in fact settled on Haus 12.0. 

“They’re aware we live in an apartment, right?” Dex asked. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Derek shook his head. “Bylaws state that anywhere two members or former members of SMH live together, it is a Haus.”

Chowder giggled in the backseat. 

In his hand, his phone pinged again. 

“Oh, it’s Vicky.” He thumbed open the text. “She wants to know if she can come over to see Chowder. Said she got your auto-driving response. You’re such a nerd Poindexter, I didn’t even know you had an auto-driving response.”

“Shut up, Nurse.” 

“I wanna see Vicky!” Chowder exclaimed. “She’s the coolest!”

Dex rolled his eyes. “Yeah that’s fine. If it’s cool with you?” He shot a quick look to Derek before returning his eyes to the road. 

Derek considered. He was feeling much better and he could always escape to his room if it got too much. They would all understand. “Yeah, it’s chill.” He texted Vicky back and looked around to see where they were. Almost home. 

He smiled softly and watched the trees go by as Dex pulled onto their street and parked near the building. 

Vicky was sitting on the stoop. “Glad you said yes, I was already here.”

“Hey,” Dex said, wrapping his sister in a hug. 

Derek hugged her, too, while Dex unlocked the door. 

In the apartment, Dex showed Chowder to the guest room which boasted a futon as well as the bed Dex had made his own, and Derek chuckled as he heard Chowder exclaim, “Wow!”

He flopped on the couch and Vicky slid down next to him. 

“I’m glad you two are close again,” she said quietly. 

Derek shrugged. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t deflect. I know you, Derek Nurse. You’re putting so much energy into taking care of my brother and I really appreciate it and I know he does, too. Even if he doesn’t say it.”

“He said it.”

“Good. I told him to.”

Derek chuckled. “I just wish I could help.” 

From the bedrooms, Chowder was still exclaiming loudly about the various things in Dex’s room, though it was sure to be tight in there with the futon folded down. Between exclamations, Derek could hear the soft, deep rumblings as Dex answered his questions. He smiled towards them. 

“I mean it. It’s good for him. And I think it’s good for you.”

“What do you mean?” He turned to her. 

“How long have you lived here alone, Nursey?”

Derek shrugged. “Five years?”

She nodded. “I’m glad you let him in again.”

He studied her face. He’d always thought Vicky had his number on his crush on her brother. But this didn’t seem to be about that. 

“I wasn’t keeping him out,” he insists, picking up the tv remote to fidget with. “We just kinda… drifted apart a bit.”

“Don’t let it happen again,” Vicky said easily. “You’re good for each other. And this is _ not _ about that crush you had on him in college.”

Damn, she did know. 

“I’m not, I don’t—,” he stammered, trying to refute it. 

She waved him off. “Not what it’s about,” she repeated. “It’s just about you two being good for each other. You challenge each other. And you trust each other. He needs that and I think you do too.”

“Okay,” Derek said when she stopped. 

“He doesn’t know about that crush, you know,” she spoke again after a moment. “I tried to tell him but he wouldn’t listen. And then he met Ryan and he moved on.”

“I was happy for him,” Derek interjected. 

“Me too. For a long time. But he deserves better than what Ryan had to offer.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. 

“You two, though,” she hummed. “Platonic, romantic, whatever works. Just… don’t let him disappear again, okay?”

Derek nodded. He wasn’t sure if he was getting a shovel talk or a blessing. But Vicky knew what she was talking about and more importantly she knew Dex, so he vowed to take the words to heart. 

She seemed to be done doling out advice, though. “Good talk, Nurse. Beer?” She slapped her thighs and stood, heading for his kitchen. 

“Yeah, sure— wait did you just offer me my own beer?!”

She winked at him before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Chowder and Dex re-emerged from the hall, Chowder now in comfy looking teal Sharks sweats in addition to the hoodie. 

“Oh, God, my eyes!” Derek feigned a faint and Chowder leapt on him. 

“Frog pile!”

By the time Vicky returned with four beers they had settled into a cuddly mess of limbs. 

“Boys,” she rolled her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ETA: I made a list of all the Häuser of the SMH [ on tumblr](https://willdexpoindexter.tumblr.com/post/619107301088018432/so-im-writing-a-heartbreaking-nurseydex-fic).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex meets with Ryan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um hi this fic isn't abandoned, life is just *wave hands around frantically*

Dex was nervous. He had a meeting to go over the final agreement with Ryan that afternoon and Vicky was taking him as usual but Derek had an urge to be there for some reason. 

“I’m fine, Nursey,” Dex assured him for the third time that morning. He was pacing, so Derek didn’t really believe him but he nodded anyway. Derek drove them to the office after lunch and Vicky met them in the lobby. Derek hugged her and Dex each before heading out to set up shop in a cafe down the block to write while they met.

As he stared at the blinking cursor, Derek wondered to himself how he thought he’d ever get work done today. He wasn’t sure what was going on but Dex’s behavior had thrown him this morning. This should be their last meeting, or nearly last, and so far things had been going well. Why was he suddenly so nervous? 

At least Vicky had been able to go with him, after all. Derek was happy to go as moral support but didn’t think he’d be as good as Vicky at keeping Dex calm, especially in his current mood. She had to run straight from the meeting, hence Derek sitting in a coffee shop to take Dex home afterwards. 

And it was home for Dex these days. Dex had given up referring to it as “your apartment” and just started calling it “home”. It made Derek inexorably happy to have Dex settled in his home, happy and safe. He still wished he could do more.

After Chowder’s visit, Dex seemed to relax into their new routines, but the undercurrent of the divorce proceedings seemed to always be on his mind. He would put down a book or mute the TV and mention something seemingly out of nowhere. Derek did his best to listen and be supportive but he didn’t know where it was all coming from. He’d just suddenly need to share some story or issue that bothered him at odd hours. 

Derek wished, more than anything, that he could help Dex find the closure he was so clearly searching for. 

He made a few sparse notes in his manuscript but ultimately gave up and pulled out a book he’d read before to distract himself until Dex arrived. When he finally did, he was somehow more fidgety than he had been before the meeting. He walked up to Derek’s table like a man on a mission and pulled Derek out of his seat and into a tight hug. 

“Hey, you’re alright,” Derek murmured, holding his friend tightly. 

Dex let out a shaky sigh and relaxed slightly into Derek’s shoulder, still holding his waist tightly. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not now,” came the muffled reply. After another long moment, he looked up. “I’m hungry?” 

It came out like a question but Derek took it in stride. “Let’s get you some dinner.” 

Dex nodded and stepped out of the embrace.

Derek packed up his laptop and book and shouldered his bag, throwing his arm around Dex’s shoulders. “Whatcha in the mood for?”

Dex shrugged. “Burgers? I could go for a burger.”

“You got it.”

Derek drove them to Red Robin and they slid into the booth to examine the plastic menus. They ordered freckled lemonades (“don’t even start, Nurse”) and sipped them quietly as they waited for their meals. Finally, Dex spoke. 

“I updated my address on the filings today.”

“Oh?” Derek asked. “To mine? Ours?”

“Yeah,” Dex answered. “I still had Vicky’s on there because that’s where I was when we started them. But today we were finalizing and I realized… I live with you. It should say that.”

“Okay,” Derek said when Dex paused. “That’s chill.”

Dex rolled his eyes as if on queue. “I knew I’d have to and I thought it would be today. That’s why I was so nervous this morning.”

Now Derek was really confused. “You were nervous to change your address on your divorce filings?”

Dex shrugged. “I was nervous that it’s your address.”

“It’s yours, too, Dex. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. I really do mean that. You can stay for fucking years, man. I’m not gonna kick you out.”

“I know that. It’s just, Ryan knows about us. Well, me, but about you.”

“Wait, what?”

Dex sighed and fiddled with his straw. “I had to tell the lawyer that I moved, right? And that I was living with a friend. And Ryan asked which friend. And I said you.”

“Okay, I follow that much,” Derek said quietly. 

“But Ryan knows that I used to have a crush on you at Samwell and I was worried he was gonna make a big deal about it. Maybe throw around some accusations or something. I don’t know what I was expecting, really.”

A crush? Nursey knew his mouth was hanging open but he didn’t know how to close it. But Dex was still talking, still processing his emotions to his friend and he had to pay attention. 

“It was super weird though. He put it together but then he didn’t say anything. Just made this really weird face and went really quiet.”

Derek swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “Do you think he’s gonna make it weird?”

A shake of his head. “No, I think he’s gonna sign. We both agreed to all the last changes today and Karlson is gonna have it ready to sign next week. He didn’t say anything. I don’t think he will.”

“But he thinks it,” Derek filled in. 

“He thinks it and I hate that he does.”

Derek felt his cheeks heat and stared down into his lemonade. Dex really didn’t like him like that. Vicky was full of it. 

“Derek,” Dex interrupted his thoughts. “Not that it’s you. I promise.”

“It’s chill,” Derek said even though it wasn’t. 

“I hate that he thought I would cheat on him. Or that I would just jump straight to something new and then rub it in his face. I hate that he doesn’t even fucking know me. That’s what his face said and I hate it.”

Now Derek felt like a shit friend. Here he was bemoaning the past-tense nature of Dex’s apparent crush on him when his friend was hurting.

“Oh, Dex, I’m so sorry.” He reached across the table and Dex let his hands be squeezed. He tried to voice his feelings. “I wish I could help more.”

“You’re helping more than you could know,” Dex said with a soft smile, his cheeks blushing pink. “Just being here? Being my friend? It’s good.”

Derek gave a smile back. “I’m glad.”

And he was, even if he was hurting inside: for missed chances, for misunderstandings, and for friends in pain he couldn’t fix. He hoped someday he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a final chapter count now but honestly I still wouldn't expect regular updates. this fic is hard af to write.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek was torn. 

Dex’s divorce was final now. He should be happy. They should both be happy. But there was an unanswered question hanging over them and both of them knew it, so the tone in the apartment was subdued. 

The plan had been that Dex would move out once he was able. That this was temporary. Except it didn’t feel temporary and Derek didn’t want him to leave.

“Do you think you’ll, um, get a place nearby?” Derek asked. He knew he couldn’t ask him to stay but he selfishly wanted him to anyway. Maybe this could start the conversation.

Dex looked up from his phone sharply. “What?”

Okay, fair, that was kind of out of nowhere. “Well, you wanted your own place, but I like hanging out again and I thought maybe you could find a place nearby.”

Dex stared at him. “Do you want me to move out?”

Derek swallowed hard, he didn’t want to lie but he didn’t want to start a fight, either. “You wanted your own space,” he repeated instead.

“I have my own space,” Dex countered. “My room.”

What?

“Look, if you want me to find my own place, I will. But this works, Nursey. I like living here and I, well,” Dex took a deep breath of his own. “I don’t fucking  _ want  _ to leave!”

“You don’t?” Derek felt his face breaking into a grin even before he fully understood what Dex was saying. 

“Not really,” Dex replied, cheeks turning adorably pink. “I like living here. And being best friends again.”

“I do, too,” Derek agreed softly. “So you’ll stay?”

“I’m gonna pay rent,” Dex insisted.

“Dex --,”

“No, listen to me. I’m going to pay rent. I wanna move some stuff into the main space too, really live here, not just stay in the spare bedroom.”

“Of course you can put stuff in the main space.”

“Thank you,” Dex said. 

“You really don’t have to pay rent though,” Derek continued.

“I really do, Nursey.”

Derek sighed. “Yeah alright. You wanna split half I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, half is good.” Dex offered his fist and Derek bumped it back. Dex was moving in! 

~

The next weekend, they rented a truck and emptied out Dex’s storage unit. Derek threw his nasty old arm chair on the curb to make room for Dex’s favorite recliner. They rearranged the kitchen cabinets to make room for Dex’s dishes, utensils, and appliances. They hung his art on the walls. They spread his welcome mat in the hallway and hung his spare coats on the rack in the front hall.

It felt like home in a way this apartment hadn’t in many years.

“How do you have so much kitchen shit?” Derek whined as he opened yet another box labeled ‘kitchen’. 

“Just because you have the cooking skills of a twelve year old doesn’t mean everyone does. I like to cook, Nursey, that requires stuff.”

“Stuff. Eloquent.”

“Like you complain when I cook for you,” Dex rolled his eyes and opened another cabinet. 

No, Derek very much did not complain when Dex cooked. Dex was comfortable and confident in the kitchen in an indescribably appealing way. Even when Dex had been first staying at Derek’s apartment and seemed unsure of himself in most of the apartment, he thrived in the kitchen. The first night he was there, he took a quick inventory of Derek’s cabinets and fridge contents and started making dinner.

“Dex, let me order something, you don’t have to cook, you just moved,” Derek had insisted.

“I like cooking,” Dex shrugged. “It calms me.”

“Oh. Okay.”

He’d then proceeded to cook something so tasty Derek had made inappropriate noises at the dinner table, brushed off by Dex with a mumbled “it’s just stuffed chicken breast, Nurse,” and an adorable blush. It was magic as far as Derek was concerned. He hadn’t even known he’d had some of those things Dex had pulled out of his cabinets. 

He wasn’t sure why kitchen competence suddenly did it for him, it wasn’t like he was drooling over Bitty when he baked, but he couldn’t help it. 

It was probably just that it was Dex. 

“Now that I have my mixer set up we should make pasta,” Dex mused, wiping down a Samwell red stand mixer where he had set up in the corner of the counter. “Lasagna maybe?”

“How do you make pasta with a mixer?” Derek asked, trying to fit a set of whisks in a drawer. Why did he need different sizes of whisks anyway?

“There’s an attachment. I’ll show you. It’s actually pretty easy, even you couldn’t mess it up,” Dex chirped. 

“Hey!” Derek laughed. “It’d be chill to learn to make pasta, though.”

“Chill,” Dex rolled his eyes again. “You wanna do that salmon for dinner?”

“We can just get pizza or something,” Derek said, breaking down the box he’d been unloaded. “You must be exhausted.”

“Nursey, we’ve been over this. I like cooking. Besides, salmon en papillote is super easy.”

“Was that  _ French _ ?” 

Dex blushed even as he flipped Derek off. “It’s like you don’t want me to cook for you.”

“Aw, Dexy, please cook me fancy french food!” Derek grabbed at Dex’s hand and gave his best pout. “Please Dexy?” 

Dex only blushed darker and nodded before taking his hand away and pulling out the salmon, vegetables, and parchment paper and shooing Derek away to the table. 

He watched, though he was pretending to be engrossed in his phone, as Dex pre-heated the oven, chopped up vegetables, and tucked two filets into parchment paper pouches with vegetables and slid them in to bake.

Derek stood and hip checked him away from the sink and began to wash the cutting board, mixing bowl, whisk, and knife that Dex had used.

“Thanks Derek,” Dex said. “I’m gonna go shower while they bake, okay?”

Derek nodded. “Sounds good, bro.” 

He carefully finished washing up the dishes and wiped down the counters while the salmon baked and Dex sung quietly in the shower. It was terribly domestic and Derek’s heart squeezed in his chest. 

_ Best friends _ , he told himself.  _ You’re best friends! Chill!  _

Dex reappeared a few minutes before the timer went off and carefully stuck a thermometer into one of the packets before nodding to himself and pulling the tray out of the oven. Derek closed his laptop and pulled plates down from the cabinet, providing one to Dex silently. He smiled as he took it and slid one of the packets onto the plate. His hair was damp against his forehead and Derek fought off the urge to brush it back as he accepted the plate back. 

They sat down at the table and Dex showed him how to cut open the packet to reveal perfectly cooked salmon. 

“Holy shit this is amazing,” Derek gushed after his first bite. “I literally watched you make this, it was just veggies and salmon!”

Dex smiled and shrugged. “I told you it was easy and tasty. That’s my favorite kind of recipe.”

“Sign me the fuck up,” Derek agreed, taking another bite. 

“You wanna learn how to cook, Nursey?”

“Only if you’re teaching,” Derek answered. Dex flushed red again, though Derek wasn’t sure what he’d done this time to embarrass his friend. 

“Yeah, alright,” Dex said. “We’re starting really basic though. No beef roulade for you for a bit.”

“Definitely sounds above my skill set,” Derek nodded solemnly. 

Dex just rolled his eyes and took another bite. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy we're co-habitating!   
i've already got chapter 6 half written and.. i'm sorry already. enjoy the fluff while you get it, friends.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for additional feels, listen to the song [Steve by jeremy messersmith](https://open.spotify.com/track/3tmtUBRZOkiLXyYh45fz2J?si=OP2RvoERQ7ac2zEUDu4_SA) (cw for mention of suicidal thoughts in the song) while you read. it was my writing fuel.  
cw for canon-typical alcohol use and shouting.

They were drunk. This was a bad idea. 

It had started with a toast to officially living together for a full month (“We’ve been living together more than a month, Nursey.” “I said officially! Before that you were just staying with me, it was different.” “Whatever you say, Nurse.”) and had gotten a bit out of control. 

Now, Derek was curled up in Dex’s lap and they were holding hands for some reason that Derek couldn’t remember. Dex’s other hand flailed around, supporting his story. 

“And then she had the gall to ask me for notes!” Dex finished triumphantly after several distractions. “I don’t remember how I ended up on that topic. I kinda forgot about Jamie but something just... Whatever.”

“Samwell memories,” Derek sighed. 

“Your turn,” Dex prompted, poking Derek’s shoulder before laying his hand on Derek’s shoulder casually. 

“My turn?” Derek asked, not remembering what he was meant to be doing. Were they taking turns with something? He wanted another drink.

“Beer?” He said instead, rolling up to his feet and pausing for a second to steady himself. Dex’s hand slipped out of his as he stood but hovered near him, watching for Derek to fall. Not out of the question. 

He made it into the kitchen and pulled out two more beers, tossing one to Dex as he approached the couch again. He flopped on the other side this time, dropping his feet into Dex’s lap. 

Dex opened his beer, took a long sip, and rested his hand on Derek’s ankle. “Still your turn,” he said, nudging Derek’s leg. 

“For what?” 

“A Samwell story,” Dex said, like it was obvious. 

“Oh!” Derek said. “Bro, you were there with me.”

“You didn’t know the Jamie story,” Dex argued. “You’ve gotta have stories I don’t know. Come on, Derek, tell me a story!”

“Alright, alright!” Derek laughed. “Hmm. What about the time… oh, have you heard about the time Annaliese asked me out?”

Dex frowned. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Okay so, she was in my Harlem Renaissance class, super chill in discussions but we literally never spoke outside of class. One day she just walked up after class and asked me out. First words out of her mouth, no lie. Not even a hello or anything.”

“What’d you say?”

“I panicked, bro! I didn’t even know her and I hadn’t thought of her like that, you know?”

“Sure,” Dex agreed.

“So I turned her down. And she just like, shrugged? And then turned to Jared and asked him out instead.”

“What?!” Dex laughed.

“It was so weird! Like, what’s she gonna do, ask out every person in class?” Derek giggled. “Jared said yes though, so I didn’t get to find out.”

“But you wanted to know.”

“I really wanted to know,” Derek said, tilting his head back as he took another drink. “I had a hella crush all that year anyway, I wouldn’t have said yes to anyone but him probably.”

“You did?” 

Oh shit, he probably shouldn’t have said that. Wouldn’t have said it sober. “Uh, yeah,” he mumbled, hoping Dex would drop it. 

“Who? Wait, this was sophomore year? You never told me about a crush!” Dex poked at his leg and leaned into Derek’s space, a wide grin showcasing his flushed cheeks. 

This was a really bad idea.

But. 

“You.”

“Me what?” Dex said, brow crinkling with confusion. 

Derek took a deep breath. He’d committed now. “I had a crush on you.” At least he had managed to keep it in past tense, go drunk-Derek!

Dex stared at him for a long moment and Derek stared back, half excited for Dex’s eventual response and half afraid of it. 

“You did?” The question was tiny and completely at odds with the previous energy of the night, unsure and reverent at the same time. 

“Yeah,” Derek said with a shrug. 

“Oh.”

“You did?” Dex asked again. He was holding Derek’s ankle in a vice grip that he probably didn’t even realize. 

“Yeah, Will. You’re a fucking catch, bro!” He really needed to stop talking but the alcohol had opened his mouth and now he couldn’t shut it. “You’re hot and you’re smart and you’re amazing at hockey. And like, we were best friends, hung out all the time, roomed together on roadies, all that. How could I not have crushed on you?” 

“I didn’t know that,” Dex said, voice still small and unsure. 

Derek shrugged again. “I didn’t want you to. You didn’t seem interested so I just… moved on.” Well, he had tried anyway.

“Oh,” Dex said again. He seemed to have been reduced to this small handful of phrases. 

“Don’t worry about it, bro. It was a long time ago,” Derek said after a moment. That was his story and he was sticking to it.

“Right, yeah.”

“Maybe we should just call it a night?” he offered, since the mood seemed to be officially dead.

“Sure. Yeah. Okay.” Dex released Derek’s ankle, staring at the spot his legs had been even after Derek swung them down to the floor. 

“We good?” Derek asked, offering a hand to Dex, unsure what Dex’s monosyllabic responses meant right now, for all that he could usually read Dex easily.

“Of course,” Dex said, looking up at him at last. His face bloomed into a tentative smile again and he let himself be hauled off the couch and into a brief hug. 

They both brushed their teeth, taking turns in the small bathroom, and drank some water to try to stave off hangovers. Derek’s head was still spinning a bit but he thought he’d be alright. Probably.

A light knock sounded on his door and he pulled his sleep shirt the rest of the way on before opening the door to find Dex, still quiet and flushed, leaning against the door frame. 

“Hey,” Derek said. His buzz urged him to look down Dex’s body but he kept his eyes resolutely on his friend’s face.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Dex asked.

“Huh?” 

“Just, like… I don’t know. I liked you, you liked me. Why didn’t you say something? I couldn’t have avoided this whole shit show with Ryan and we wouldn’t have drifted apart and --,”

Where did he get off blaming Derek for this? There was no way this was his fault!

“I am not the solution to your problems, Poindexter” he spat. “And you told me  _ at least _ three times that you weren’t interested in me. At least! So you don’t get to come in here in the middle of the night, and be mad at me that I hadn’t asked out someone who told me ‘no’. Fuck. You.”

Dex stared at him as though he’d been slapped, Derek’s reply ringing in the air. He wasn’t sure where the sudden rush of anger had come from, not really. They hadn’t fought like this in years but something about the question had set him off. 

He realized his mistake as soon as he’d shut his mouth and grasped desperate for something, anything, diffuse the situation like they’d both learned to do at Samwell. 

But nothing came to mind and neither of them spoke for a long moment. Derek wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or yell some more or foolishly attempt to kiss Dex. It felt like Samwell all over again and not in a good way. He was confused and hurt and still so horribly in love with his best friend. 

Had he learned nothing?

Finally, Dex saved him the decision by spinning on his heel and running from the room, slamming his door behind him. 

It was dib flip all over again. Pie-mageddon take two. Dex had left, it was over. His only solace was that he only heard Dex’s bedroom door close, not the apartment’s. But still. He’d fucked up again, probably his last chance. Great. Derek only hoped that Dex couldn’t hear him as he cried into his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*

**Author's Note:**

> I’m on tumblr at willdexpoindexter. Please leave kudos or comments? I crave validation.


End file.
